She's Flaming
by WonderlandJunkie
Summary: Just another Nathan/OC fic: Delilah is stuck. Stuck in her job, stuck in her apartment, stuck in fucking community service.


** I just HAD to write one of these! It's kinda crack!fic, but hey, so is practically the whole Misfits series, so...**

Sure I have a killer hangover, sure I got mugged by an extremely strong dwarf four hours ago, sure I have two hundred hours of picking up others people's shit to do, but hey, its hard to be to down about it when you're sitting in the sunshine, drinking a latte, smoking a spliff. Call me optimistic.

8:00. My neutral feeling about this community service thing goes down the drain when I see the required uniform. I swear, the orange of this jumpsuit is punishment enough! "I can work with this..." I only zip it up halfway and leave the top part hanging, showing off my Zeppelin tank.

I swagger out to the front of the community center and lean next to the guaranteed outcast of the group of outcasts. "So, what did you get done for?" he just stares at me, "I got done for killing a cop. Yeah, I smashed his head into a parking meter, but apparently the station really didn't like this guy, so they only charged me for destruction of property." I keep my face straight and just look at him and he just looks back at me with this scared look on his face. "I'm messing with you man!", he gives an expression that some might call relief and sort of smiles.

The probation worker finally shows and starts this long speech about improving our society, blah, blah, blah! Our 'society' is fucked. There's no way a group of criminals are gonna make any difference. My fellow offenders look just as bored. Speaking of which, I don't think I've come up with stupid nicknames for them yet. The one all the way to the left is definitely curly. I must say, he is the first white boy I've seen that can pull off a fro, I'm impressed. The girl next to her is rocky, as in the raccoon. The guy next to her is white trash, the Black girl is slut and proud, and the other guy is slut's future bitch.

I'm broken out of my thoughts by Curly and Trash getting into it. I can't help but chuckle at both of their stupidity. Oh, boys.

8:45 I'm painting benches next to Rocky and Curly. "So what did you get done for, shoplifting? No?" "A girl colled me a slag, and I hit 'er. What about you?" There's a shock. " For uh, eating some picking mix." "That's bollocks!" They made conversation, while I just sit and sigh repeatedly.

"What about you?" It's about time someones asked! "I stole some stuff, but it's mostly because I rode my Norton into the police station's bathroom." I say nonchalantly. "Why da hell would ya do tha'?" I shrug, "I _really_ needed to go." I say jokingly. "Hey, If I had any sort of transportation, I would drive to the bathrooms to! Who walks any more!" Yeah who needs walking.

"Hey, weird kid. Don't take this the wrong way but you look like a panty sniffer!" "I'm not! I'm not a pervert!" Whoof...this is boring. Even my thoughts are dull! Trash kicks over his paint and stalks off. Wanker. The probation worker comes to see how everything's going. Slowly, very slowly.

Suddenly it seems like gravity has finally realised the ridiculousness of its own existence and quit, and the whole North Pole starts tumbling down. To state it simply, it starts hailing. But this hail is like, HUGE! Were all running towards the community center, yelling for anyone to open a door of some sort! If we don't get inside soon, we'll all get hit by fucking lightning!

We got hit by lightning. I felt an unbearable heat going up and down my body until I hit the ground with a thump! "We should be dead!" "No kidding sunshine!" I groan. "So no reassurance? No, 'your looking great' ?! We were just hit by lightning!" Curly complained. "Wanker..." "Did he just call me a wanker!?" He cries in disbelief. "Don't be so shocked." He looks at me, mocking a hurt expression.

"I think we should call it a day." We all agree and stumble off.

10:00, I'm stripping off my jumpsuit when I hear a voice behind me. "Nice batman knickers, I was expecting something a bit more lacy, but-" I spin around, "Prick! Get out!" "Jeez! I was just comin' to check out your panties! No need to yell!" "Well at least your being honest," I say sarcastically, "now get out!". "Fine! Fine!" Wanker.

4:00 am. I'm lying on my ratty futon attempting sleep. Pfft. I'm kidding myself. sleeping is futile. I've been unbearably feverish since 1:00 and its just getting worse. I feel like I'm on fire! All I can do is lie here and try to distract myself.

God I hate this apartment. I wouldn't really call it an apartment, it's more like a house. My mom left it to me when she died. It's HUGE, and all it does is remind me of the money I don't have. All this space and all I have is a futon, a record player, and a bookshelf. The closest thing I have to decor are my clothes strewn around the house and stacks of records and books put in weird places. I haven't had heat for five months. I'm probably going to have to sell the place. Good riddance.

Ugh! I'm so hot! This is pointless. I might as well get up. I take a cold shower and it keeps my temperature somewhat down. This is miserable. I put on a The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust record and it cheers me right up! I grab my backpack and skip to my impending doom.

Skipping was a bad idea. By the time I get to the community center I have to lean against the wall to move. I finally make my way outside and lean against the rail. Suddenly, the rail feels really hot. What is up with me today? "Hey, love! You don't look so good, what is it, am I just to hot for you?" "yeah, your to hot for me, now fuck off!" "Jeez! Your a touchy one! But your really not looking good." "I'm not feeling too good either..." I reply. "Well, if your feel your gonna hurl, let me know first." "Thanks." I say sarcastically. "You're very welcome." cheeky prick...

9:00 I'm relaxing on a couch while the boys play foosball. I'm incredibly bored, not to mention REALLY hot, so I eavesdrop. "So, how are we gonna do this?" "Do what?" "Well, there's three of us and three of them." "There used to be four of us!" Simon tries to jump into the conversation. "I'm talking about getting laid!" Curly state loudly. "I don't see me and the girl with the curly hair getting it on." "Why? 'cause she's beautiful?" "No! 'cause she's to high maintenance , you'd have to treat her well, but the blonde..." Me? "Kelly?" "No! No, the other one, the Delilah girl. She's hot. She's kinda hardcore and she might be gay, but we could work it out!" Oh my god, this guy is such a cunt! I walk up to the boys game. "And of course, the girls get no say in this whatsoever, because were just like curvy cattle, and our only job in this world is to fuck people!" I say in a mock cheery voice. "Now your getting it!" Me and Curtis look at him in disgusted amazement and say, "Wanker..." simultaneously. I think I feel a friendship coming on.

Suddenly, Kelly burst in yelling, "e's gonna kill us!" "What are you talking about?" "The probation worker! He tried to kill me!" Then I caught fire.


End file.
